You think it’s cold here in the Wenatchee Valley? I was just reading today that the temperature at the North Pole is negative 34 degrees. And that’s not the coldest Mr. and Mrs Claus and the elves have felt up there? The coldest temps measured was 68 below zero! Are you kidding me? And let’s not forget about the wind chill factor! And then there’s the affects of the full moon that brings on the high tide. Meaning ice is breaking with the rise of the ocean, that will make it feel like an Earthquake. And the sound is horrific! Why would Santa even think about setting up shop on top of the world? Santa once told me, “It’s better than the South Pole!” Ha! Yeah! Jolly ol Saint Nick isn’t kidding. I’ve seen those documentaries about the Antarctica on Nat Geo. Brutal. Simply brutal. 

How does Santa and his crew even survive? Sure, they have the North Pole Expansion Power Plant to keep the city lit as well as Rudolf’s red nose. Plus they must have as much tech as Apple and Microsoft combined that keeps the social media team of elves busy checking to see who’s naughty or nice on Twitter. And Mrs. Claus’ has her own line of clothing that keeps the community extra warm. Now I’ve never been to the Arctic, but if I’m having to take as many pre-cautions with our freezing temps by having water dripping from the kitchen sink, heater humming to keep my home at the same temperature as Las Vegas (which is 55 degrees), and having the snow on the sidewalk and driveway cleared. 

I’m sure Santa has his reasons to be up there. No one would stalk the ultimate celebrity. But despite that I’m still wearing shorts in these freezing temps, I’m a wuss with this winter weather. So if I was the oversized elf, I’d be moving my toy making factory to a place like Bora Bora or the resorts of the Maldives. But wait! Could Claus consider a climate considerably comparable with conducive conditions compatible to cozy comfort? I have no idea what that meant. 

But I wonder if Washington state officials have thought about making an offer to convince Kris Kringle Corporation to pack the bags and move the whole operation to the Evergreen State? Tax insentives? Get PUD involved? Efficient energy would be so much easier to manage. And the postal service is way better than the North Pole. 

Maybe there’s no room to set up shop in Leavenworth (Christmastown USA), but there’s plenty of land between Wenatchee and Spokane. Imagine the tourist revenue! Jobs! OH! Can you just see the Christmas parades with the real, honest to God Santa Claus! It would put Disneyland to shame! 

Wait a minute. Hang on. Hummm. I may have a better idea. Maybe the folks in Olympia can convince the Walt Disney Company to build another Disneyland up here! YES! OK…I’ve gotta go. I have a whole new campaign to work on. Merry Christmas!

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